If all the warning signs are pointing towards that you’re about to face a marriage failure, just don’t panic. It is normal for most marriages to go through rough patches and hit the pushing limit. While the divorce courts may seem to be one step closer to you, break up can be prevented if you take the right actions now.
You must realize that having disagreement between partners is normal as this is just a fact of life. If the fight can let both people see things from different angles, and yet can establish a mutual agreement without being abusive, then both partners can still fight and remain happy.
If there are kids involved, it is important to protect them and not to let them see their mom and dad are in the worst of fighting. Therefore, arrange a time for the kids to be away with their grandma or babysitter, and ask for a date away from home with your spouse. Go to public places such as a restaurant so that it can reduce the possibility of turning your talk into an argument. Keep the booze away as it is already hard to deal with the problems of your marriage, and you don’t really need to get into a fight through an alcohol induced haze.
It is important to have the discussion done objectively. Before planning the date, try to make a list of items that make you feel happy about your spouse, and the things that irritate and annoy you the most. The initial list can be very long.
Also, try to read a few self-help books on marriage counseling so that you can put things into a better perspective. I recommend you to read the Magic of Making Up as it has helped countless couples saving their relationships.
During the discussion, it is important not to approach your other half negatively. Never blame your partner for how annoy, upset and unhappy you are. Don’t ever attack your spouse as this will make them to be defensive, and the date can end with a tragedy.
Never begin the conversation like these:
“I hate it when you nag at me…….”
“This is the list of things you’ve upset me…”
Make it sounds as positive as possible with the intension to strengthen the bond:
“Are you feeling happy with our relationship?”
“I want to let you know the good things I really like about you.”
“I like to discuss something…… Perhaps, it can improve our relationship.”
You have to accept the fact that some of the topics you’re going to hear from them will not make you feel too comfortable. But, think about what you will get out of this conversation. Just hang in there! However, don’t expect things will become better immediately after the discussion. It takes time for both parties to make adjustment and improvement, if both are determined to give the relationship another chance.
Obviously, you do not want your marriage failure to be part of the divorce statistics in the Department of Health. Almost every marriage can be saved if the couple is willing to do something about it. Therefore, it is important to have a candid discussion with your partner when you see those warning signals, and try to convince them that the relationship is worth to save. Both partners will need to put in effort and accept the fact that the next couple of months may be the most difficult time throughout the history of your marriage.
When you finally pull the relationship back from the brink, you will find that it is even better and stronger than ever before.